Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
