miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Randomize
