I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
