She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Randomize
