i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
