was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
