i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
