Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
Randomize
