Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Randomize
