your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
