all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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