I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
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