epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
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