How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
