38 yer olds are good kisserssss
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
