you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Randomize
