Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
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