You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
