apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Randomize
