Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Randomize
