I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Randomize
