Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
Randomize
