next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
YAS. BRING CRAB.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
