The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
