it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Randomize
