My room smells like vodka and shame
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
