I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
