kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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