you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Randomize
