You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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