my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
being pregnant is like rehab
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Randomize
