It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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