I love black thongs
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
that is very illegal...i love you.
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