What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
Randomize
