"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
