He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize
