so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Randomize
