The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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