doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Randomize
