New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Randomize
