If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
