She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
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