sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Randomize
