i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
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