"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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