Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
