We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Randomize
