He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Randomize
