Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
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