You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Randomize
