I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
