He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
Randomize
