Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Randomize
