I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
