singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
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